Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
