u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
