Apparently you make a good broom.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
