dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
