so that wasnt chicken after all
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
