wakey wakey hands off snakey
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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