just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
