I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
