yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
