Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
