i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize