I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
