You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
did you just send me my own nude
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
