how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
