he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
