I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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