drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
