you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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