Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
