Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
