The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
