I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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