i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The ass gains better be worth it
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