he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
