Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
