All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
