i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
be right there i have to get my cape
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize