I am puke
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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