Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
