Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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