Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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