I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
