dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
