I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
