she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
