Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
