Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
