The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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