so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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