I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
