Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
