Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
