Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize