JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
