Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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