you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
