a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
