While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
