i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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