I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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