Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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