You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
