My sheets look like a crime scene.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
