I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
