it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did I show you my penis last night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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