JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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