My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
