nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
