Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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