dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
