i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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