i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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