Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
