We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
