the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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