We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
