She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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