I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
