I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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