The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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