That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
