Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
