ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pants are for mortals
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
