You're my little dorito
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
