Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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