all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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