My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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