i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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