Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
