if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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