I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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