8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
