so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
