Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
