Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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