The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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