So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i out mim tonsoeep
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
