Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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