dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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