HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
