We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
